|  Mr.
Henrikson, members of the Board of Trustees, Doctor Robertson, teachers,
administrators, alumni, parents, family and friends, students, and
most importantly the Class of 2006. As one of the heads of SAA,
it is part of my job to inform students about the events taking
place at Milton. Four times this year I have written poetry to entice
students to attend the various happenings at Milton. My poems have
been so unique in form and measure, in meaning so profound, that
students clamored to hear more. Since I would hate to deprive my
classmates of my brilliance, I have a poem I would like to share
with you all today.
At the Academy (bongos)
A Po-em
O... O... OO... O dear Academy, for a sensationally solid eleven
years, you have fertilized my mind. For a tumultuous 208 years,
you have fertilized the quad.
Students:
Buuumm... Buuummm... Buuuumm!
Buum Buum!
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Athletes:
Tony Blout hurls the ball about
In a little LaX
A game of Native American origin
Not an airport in Los Angeles,
While Mike "Needs Anger Management" Fitoussi
Would pull a Tanya Harding to get a W on the ice
Meanwhile, the Ultimate team still tells us that Frisbee and
Disc are different...
But we still don't understand how
At the Academy (bongos)
AV:
These underground geeks believe the sun to be "an interesting
theory" while--- (pretend Mic got cut. Yell apology to Matt Schoen)
At the Academy (bongos)
Artists:
Sarah Mags and Tay Tay Lobe prance about the dance floor Knowing
they are graceful swans in a meadow While I prance around the
theatre Knowing I am going to be unemployed... a lot... In the
art trailers Busy Izzy Mattia finishes her masterpiece (paint
furiously) It's a diaper... and eternity... Meanwhile Benjamin
"Jamin" Stepner Wiggles wonderful warbles out of his dark mistress,
the piano...
At the Academy (bongos)
Intellectuals:
These masters of math, wizards of writing, Lords of language,
and sultans of science Devour knowledge like Mike Greenburg devours
cake: Quickly, with passion, and growing larger with every morsel...
The Oliver Pecheniks and Caity Berry Heffernans of today Will
be the Professors, Rocket Scientists, and Mr. Violas of tomorrow.
At the Academy (bongos)
Teachers
English and Social Sciences:
Big-hearted, witty and wise, William Moore Teaches students that
there are three Shakespearian words that reference sexual reproductive
organs in this sentence. Ms. Bond taught me freshman and sophomore
year, and lived. Clap... clap... clap... Meanwhile, James Mills
reminds us all that, Quote, "I know a sexy piece of canal work,
when I see one." At the Academy (bongos) Language and the Classics:
Monsieur Planchon est us camrade choutte Y Sr. Connolly es un
gran maestro Murray laoshi shi zui hao And Ms. Whele quid pro
quo, vini, vidi, vici...
At the Academy (bongos)
Math and Science:
John "Big Papi" Banderob And the "Puerto-Rican-Sensation-That's-Swiffering-The-Nation"
Juan Ramos Talk about the 4th derivitive of e(pieX * square root
of 2x + 3y(sin(x) Like Big Bird, the Count, and Dr. Robinson talk
about the humber 3 While Ms. Kereida Beadle gets the fire extinguisher
after Mr. Kernohan Experiments with flame and freshmen. Conclusion:
They don't mix...
At The Academy (bongos)
Arts:
While Debbie Simon and Kelli Edwards treat the boards David Peck
shaves my head So Gordon Chase and Paul Menneg can discuss the
beauty of the human scalp. Meanwhile, Ted Whalen sings a capella
with the Miltones He still isn't a student...
At the Academy (bongos)
For a superfluous several-year spell, you have cultivated our
craniums For two tantalizing centuries, you have cultivated the
quad.
O... O... OO... O my dear Milton Academy...
So, what am I getting at here? What does this poem have to do with
anything? Well, being at Milton isn't always the most fun - sometimes
you don't do well on an essay, you fight with your friends, you
get busted for making noodles, or you have to get up early and go
to assembly - that's where I came in. As I said earlier, I made
announcements at assemblies with the other heads of SAA Wiley Caine,
Stacy Harris, and Annie Jean-Baptiste. Now, while not all of these
were poems, we tried to make our announcements all funny, to find
the humor in the boring, tired stretch from 8 to 8:20 every morning.
By finding humor in these small moments, anyone can improve someone's
day. But you shouldn't reserve silliness just for making announcements.
Even the direst of situations can be lightened with a little humor.
For example, in my freshman year I was in Man of La Mancha. It
was dress rehearsal and as I was setting down the trunk I carried
in the opening scene I felt a pain across my palm. I stopped the
rehearsal and told Dar, the director, I needed a Band-Aid. After
she examined the cut, she told me I would need to go to the hospital
and get stitches. Somehow in the rush to get me to the ER everyone
forgot I was still in costume. So there I was with my dad sitting
in the ER, hand over my head, wearing a fat suit and the traditional
garb of a servant during the Spanish Inquisition.
However, my dad and I weren't the only ones in the ER that night.
Across the waiting room was a man. Even from my seat ten feet away,
I could hear that he was having trouble breathing. He looked panicked
and in pain. Despite that, when he saw me he somehow managed to
ask "What"? I said, "I'm in a play."
Not only did my misfortune make his trip to the ER easier, but
it made mine as well. The tension of being in the ER evaporated
as I laughed at myself realizing how ridiculous I must look. It
lightened the mood.
So, what do my observations have to do with all of you? While you
probably haven't had the good fortune to go to the ER wearing a
fat suit nor have had the opportunity to perform beautiful poetry,
you all have the ability to laugh. Hardships, both big and small,
are waiting for all of us. However, if you can bring with you a
healthy appetite for humor, you can balance the misfortune with
comedy. Writer Kurt Vonnegut said, "Laughter and tears are both
responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh
since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
As Mr. Vonnegut shrewdly observes, when you get a flat in the middle
of nowhere, don't get the job you wanted or lose a friend, you can
do one of two things. Laugh, relieve the tension and move on with
life, or remain static because of one bad moment and allow life
to pass you by.
The graduating Class of 2006, I would wish that nothing bad would
ever happen to you as we all go our separate ways, but that would
totally undermine the whole point of my speech which is you need
to find humor in those bad times in order to keep going. So, instead,
I wish that all of you bring humor with you wherever your journeys
take you. And if you ever find yourself without anything to laugh
at, O, O, OO, O, remember the laughter we shared at our dear Academy.
Thank you.
[Back to Graduation 2006]
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