Words of Wisdom
Saying Good-bye; Settling In

Anticipation and excitement are at a high pitch as the time comes to move in and start School.   As with most beginnings, and any venture into the unknown, a certain anxiety hums right along with the excitement.  For every child and every parent, the experience will be unique.  The many happy students and parents in the Milton community make it clear that embarking on the adventure of boarding school is well worth the effort.

Bridget Johnson, dean of students, and André Heard, associate dean, can share wisdom that springs from years of observation and participation.  Here are a few highlights from their “how it works” ledger:

When it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave.
When the opening schedule calls for the actual good-byes, parents’ leaving allows the transition to begin.  “It’s hard to jump into a pick-up football game on the quad with your housemates if your parents are sitting in your room,” Mr. Heard says.  If parents avoid the temptation to linger overlong, the important process of getting settled can get started.

Students get lots and lots of information in the first few days, most of which they won’t remember.  (Don’t worry, we share it all again.)

The first days at Milton are very busy.  The adult planners in the community know that students do well with plenty to do—places to go, people to meet, rituals, traditions, fun time, class time, exploration time.   A full schedule is better than too much down time.  That said, we are always striving for a delicate balance: helping students get started and make connections, but not get overloaded.

Every family’s check-in schedule is different.
Advising about how much text or phone contact works well is hard.  Instead of commenting on frequency, Ms. Johnson and Mr. Heard urge parents to “schedule check-in times, and in so doing, try to be aware and respectful of key required times for students.”  For instance, while it may make sense to parents that they check in during study hours or at lights out, that’s not a helpful pattern for dorm parents trying to develop the structure and feeling of the house.

Be sure to check in frequently with your child’s advisor as well as your child.
Establishing a connection with the advisor as early as possible is a good thing.  Advisors will reach out to parents, but parents shouldn’t hesitate to make the first call.  Advisors and house heads can help set the context and provide a broader view about what’s going on at School than what you may hear from your student at any point in time.  Dorm faculty are very interested, too, in hearing about your concerns.  Making and keeping the advisor-parent connection adds to everyone’s comfort level in caring for your child.

Parents can help their child understand life at School.
Asking questions about their teachers, about what it’s like to have class around a big table where everyone is expected to contribute, about what their reading or math or lab work involves is helpful.  With friends to meet and after-class activities to jump into, students are processing many strands of a big experience.  Non-pressuring questions from parents about academic life remind students gently of what the central endeavor is, here at Milton.

Building the sense of what it means to live in community begins immediately.
It continues throughout a student’s time at Milton.  Dorm faculty start right away with discussions, information, questions and answers, to set the tone of the house, communicate its culture, establish its rules — formal and informal.  One of the treasured parts of the Milton experience is living in a single house for your entire School life.  Students’ houses become their families away from home, and gaining an awareness of your impact on other people is invaluable.

Dorm faculty will actively help create relationships between themselves and students.
For some students, building connections with adults as members of a community is an unfamiliar experience.  Allowing these new relationships to develop greatly helps the process of settling in, getting to know the School, its rhythms and its expectations.  Expecting and even encouraging your child to grow a number of friendships with the adults in their lives is helpful.  Milton alumni talk about the lifelong power of the connections they made at School, among friends of all ages.

So many people at Milton are focused on your child’s well-being.
Everyone at School is eager to help your child get comfortable and acclimated so that he or she can benefit fully from this extraordinary educational environment. We love and understand young people; many adults at Milton have helped generations of children grow and come into their best selves. Encourage your child to ask any and all questions, to seek advice, to take advantage of the adults and older students who surround them and want them to prosper.

 

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