Sexuality course delivers information in comfortable, confidential setting

Human Sexuality and Relationships (HS&R) is an optional course offered at Milton Academy since 1978. Adult leaders facilitate frank group discussion on subjects that can be challenging for parents -and even peers-to broach.

"This course is one place," explains Ellie Griffin, director of counseling, "where adolescents can talk about the things that are most important in their lives right now: identity and relationships. They talk, as they will not, or can not, with their parents."

The course goes beyond the "birds and the bees" and aims to deliver accurate information and help teens consider safety, responsibility and mutual consent, subjects on which misinformation abounds. These topics can also make students, and the adults in their lives, squirm.

Annelise Sorensen, assistant director of alumni relations, and André Heard '93, dorm parent and admissions officer, are among the adults pairs who are trained to lead the groups of 10 to 12 students.

"We work hard not to put students on the spot. We try to stay away from 'I' and 'we' in our discussions," André says.

"It's important to have a safe discussion," Annelise says. "Each group sets parameters, but all groups abide by the ground rules of respect; listening; avoidance of slang; and confidentiality."

Ice-breakers such as ranking topics for course discussion, or playing a myth-information game, begin the 10-week course, which can be followed by an advanced course.

"We work to get a good conversation going and to infuse it with facts. It's not an anatomy or psychology class, though we do touch on those topics; it's a discussion group. A lot of questions don't have answers.

"Students come away with a heightened sense of the possible consequences of the choices they're making. Taking the class is an action against the 'Oh, it can't happen to me,' syndrome," André says.

"It's not about memorizing the effectiveness of various kinds of birth control," agrees Annelise. "It's about taking the tools that Ellie gives us and acting as a reliable resource. For example, there are a whole range of consequences [of sexual activity] beyond pregnancy and HIV. We have a single class that focuses on sexually transmitted diseases. For each disease, we have students mark whether they think it is curable, incurable, can affect fertility, or can be fatal.

"Sometimes, it's amazing what you think you know but don't really know," Annelise says.

Each pair of adult facilitators train for two days and follow a detailed course curriculum, which has evolved over the last 24 years. Seminars throughout the semester bolster on-the-job training, while student teaching aides function in the groups both as informal consultants and co-leaders. These are Class I students who have taken beginning and advanced HS&R, as well as supplemental training. They meet weekly with Ellie Griffin and Rod Skinner, director of college counseling, for supervision and training and are expected to take an active role with students. Often these seniors are able to help underclassmen talk about things and hear things that adults can not.

While teens' needs have not changed over the course's history, Ellie stresses that the introduction of AIDS profoundly changed the way that we must talk about sexuality. "That is, sexuality must now be discussed within a life and death context." One result is that for this generation of young adults, what use to be the most intimate of sexual acts, oral sex, has become common, because of the mistaken belief that oral sex will not pass AIDS along." The course thus stresses the importance of being accurately informed about sexual behavior.

The HS&R course underscores the belief that accurate information always works better than ignorance. Teachers and students in the course address the value of communication, of mutual respect, of mutual responsibility for the consequences of actions, and of the desirability of equality in relationships.

"There is a shock factor in some of this material, but we're not preaching fire and brimstone. We get the gears turning and give students outlets and options," André says.

"The most interesting and informative part of the course for students is the opportunity to talk with others about love and relationships," Ellie says. "The factual information is important, and we do a good job of communicating it. However, the conversation about how to relate to others, how to maintain a relationship, how to know when you're in love, how to survive the break up of a relationship, how to talk about issues in a relationship, how to deal with anger, are all topics which are crucial to an individual's well-being.

"This part of the course makes up the bulk of the sessions, and this is what graduates remember many years later, when they return for reunions and contact their HS&R leaders. It makes a difference in a person's life," Ellie says.